She had a problem employee. Everyone knew it. The behavior predated her—yelling, cursing, slamming doors, creating chaos on-site. Victoria had talked to her. She'd talked to the team lead. She'd made "general statements about behavior." She'd done everything a good leader does.
Except she hadn't.
This webinar pulls back the curtain on self-deception—the invisible force that lets leaders tell themselves a story where they're the hero and everyone else is the problem. Through a live coaching role-play with her Arbinger coach Miriam, Victoria demonstrates the stark difference between correction conversations that fall flat and those that transform. The first attempt? Swing and a miss. The employee gets defensive, claims nothing is wrong. The second attempt—same behavior being addressed, same expectations being set—unlocks vulnerability, accountability, and a commitment to change.
The difference isn't technique. It's mindset.
Victoria walks through how self-betrayal creates the justification machine that keeps leaders stuck: betray a sense to address something, then build an elaborate mental case for why the other person is lazy, incompetent, a threat, or a burden. The more justified we feel, the less capable we become of actually solving the problem. The result? Leaders who've "built an apartment at the correct level" of the Influence Pyramid, correcting endlessly while the real solutions—listening, relationship-building, mindset work—go untouched.
The real-life ending: two problem employees, same intervention. One left. The other became a top performer. The difference wasn't the tool—it was whether the person was willing to meet accountability with openness. And that invitation only becomes possible when the leader shows up seeing them as a person first.
Learning Objectives
- Recognize self-deception patterns in your own leadership storytelling—what you're leaving out, who you're making the villain
- Identify personal red flags that signal inward mindset (justification, defensiveness, blame, horribleizing, exaggerating differences)
- Apply the Influence Pyramid diagnostically—when correction isn't working, go lower
- Use the three questions to build relationships and establish accountability in any direction
- Distinguish between indulgence and outward accountability—seeing people as people doesn't mean tolerating unacceptable behavior
