Start in the Right Way, eliminate the defensiveness that kills initiatives

We’ve all walked into a meeting that we knew was going to be a disaster. You’re meeting with that department. Or you’re launching a project with a tight deadline and zero budget.

Before you even open the door, your guard is up. You are already planning your defense. You are already thinking about how to protect your team from "their" incompetence.

You think you are just being prepared. But actually, you are guaranteeing failure.

When you start a project from a place of blame, resistance, or self-protection (an inward mindset), you invite the exact resistance you are afraid of.

You signal to the room that this is a war, not a collaboration.

If you want to stop killing projects before they start, you need to catch that mindset shift before it happens. You need the Start in the Right Way tool.

Send me Start in the Right Way

The Solution: Start in the Right Way

This is a preventative tool. Think of it as a "mindset pre-mortem." It is designed to be used before you write that thorny email, before you make that difficult phone call, or before you kick off that high-stakes initiative.

It forces you to pause and play out two different futures: one where you stay in the box, and one where you get out.

How to Use It (Step-by-Step)

You can do this alone at your desk in 5 minutes, or you can do it with your entire project team on a whiteboard.

Step 1: The Situation

Identify the specific event that is triggering your stress. Is it a negotiation? A performance review? A project kick-off?.

• Example: "I have to email the client to tell them the launch is delayed."

Step 2: The Inward Simulation (The "Bad" Version)

Be honest. Ask yourself: How would I handle this if I were in an inward mindset?. What would I do? What would I say?

• "I would blame the vendor for the delay."
• "I would write a cold, overly formal email."
• "I would hide the full extent of the problem."

Write it all down. This is your "Warning List." If you find yourself doing any of these things later, you know you’ve gone off track.

Step 3: The Outward Simulation (The "Good" Version)

Now, flip the script. Ask: How would I handle this if I were in an outward mindset?. If I were focused on their needs and objectives, what would I do differently?

• "I would call them instead of emailing so we can discuss solutions."
• "I would take ownership of the oversight."
• "I would bring three options to get us back on track."

Step 4: The Commitment

Compare the two lists. The difference is usually stark. One path leads to conflict; the other leads to partnership. Commit to the actions on your Outward list.

Why This Matters

Most business problems aren’t technical; they’re relational. When you use Start in the Right Way, you stop the "doom loop" of reciprocal blame. You enter the room with a vibe of accountability and collaboration.

And here is the magic: When you start right, people tend to follow you. You set the temperature for the entire project.

Don't leave your culture to chance. Design the interaction before it starts.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can I really use this for just an email?

A: Absolutely. Email is where the inward mindset hides most easily. Before you hit send on a "per my last email" message, run this tool. You will likely delete half the adjectives and rewrite it to be far more effective.

Q: What if the other person starts in the wrong way?

A: They might. But if you have prepared with an outward mindset, you won't react. You will stay focused on the objective. Often, your calm, outward approach is enough to pull them out of their box, too.

Q: Should I show my team my "Inward" list?

A: Yes. Vulnerability builds trust. If you say, "Look, my instinct was to blame Marketing for this, but I realized that’s not helpful," your team will respect your honesty and be more willing to check their own instincts.