Anatomy of Peace [Group Discussion Guide]

Personal-Application & Group-Discussion Guide

Chapters 1–2: Enemies in the Desert & Deeper Matters

Core Ideas
As the group of parents gathers at Camp Moriah, they are asked to consider whether they spend more time and effort helping things go right or dealing with things that go wrong in their attempts to influence their wayward children. Too often, we focus on correcting or fixing others when trying to influence them to change. As Yusuf admits, “It’s only natural when confronting a problem that we try to correct others.” But in doing so, we undermine our influence by inviting resistance. “Further correction rarely helps a child who is pouting, for example, or a spouse who is brooding, or a coworker who is blaming.” The only way to influence others to change is to “get really good at the deeper matters,” or “helping things go right.”

Group Processing

• How does our natural desire to “fix” others sometimes make things worse? Think of a time this played out in your life and discuss what you learned.

• Identify a relationship at home or at work where you would like to exert greater influence to help the other person change. Considering the influence pyramid, have you been spending more time and effort dealing with things that are going wrong or helping things go right?

• Which diagram better captures where your time and effort has been spent in this relationship?

• Share what you could do to help things go right in this situation.

Chapter 3: Peace in Wartime

Core Ideas
This chapter explores the difference between a “heart at peace” and a “heart at war” in the context of the Crusades and the leadership of Saladin. It illustrates the power of leading with a heart at peace, even in times of great conflict, and challenges assumptions about weakness and strength.

Group Processing

• Yusuf believes that Saladin was “remarkably and unfailingly strong,” and that the secret of his strength was that his heart was at peace. What did you learn by considering the contrast between Saladin and the Crusaders? Discuss how a “heart at peace” might be a source of strength.

• How does Saladin’s approach to leadership challenge conventional ideas about weakness, strength, power, and conflict resolution?

• Share an experience when you or someone you know led with a “heart at peace” in a difficult situation. What was the result?

• Consider other people in your life who seem to live with a heart at peace. What leads you to see them that way?

• Consider a current relationship or situation where there is conflict. What would it look and feel like to apply a “heart at peace” in that relationship or situation?

• Write about a time when someone extended unexpected kindness or generosity in a difficult situation. How did it affect the outcome?

Chapter 4: Beneath Behavior

Core Ideas

This chapter highlights the distinction between what we do and how we see—our behavior and our “way of being.” It introduces the concept of seeing others as people rather than as objects and explores how the way we see others—whether we have a “heart at peace” or a “heart at war”—shapes our experience of them and their experience of us.

Group Processing

• Reflect on times in your life when you have seen others as objects and on times when you have seen others as people. What do you learn from making this comparison?

• Avi suggests that we can’t see clearly when our hearts are at war. Think about experiences in your life that might illustrate this.

• List names of people you impact most—at home, at work, and in your community.

  • For each person, ask, “Do I see this person as a person with needs, hopes, and challenges as real as my own? Or do I tend to see them as vehicles, obstacles, or irrelevancies?” Write P, V, O, or I next to each name.

  • Next, for each person, ask yourself, would they agree with what you have written? Especially for those marked as “people.”

  • For people you often don’t see as people, honestly consider what this must be like for them.

• Discuss what you have learned. What realizations have you had about these relationships? What could you do differently?

• Avi suggests, “When our hearts are at war, we can’t see clearly.” In what relationships or situations is your heart at war? How might your perception or ideas about improving the relationship shift if you had a heart at peace?

• Keep a journal for a week, noting instances when you see objects rather than people. Notice how this awareness affects your interactions.

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