3 min read
Most teams operate on a reactive model of support. Someone struggles, eventually asks for help, and then—if they're lucky—someone responds. But by the time people ask, they've often been stuck for a while, the problem has grown, and frustration has set in. Meanwhile, colleagues who could have helped had no idea anything was wrong.
This isn't because people don't care. It's because we're so focused on our own objectives that we rarely stop to consider what others are trying to accomplish and how we might be making that harder.
We assume that if someone needed something from us, they'd speak up. But that assumption creates a culture where help only flows when it's explicitly requested, and often, it's requested too late.
You might be getting in people's way without realizing it
Here's a question most of us rarely ask: How am I making things harder for the people around me? Not intentionally, of course—but in the normal course of doing our jobs, we create friction for others all the time. Maybe we're slow to respond to requests.
Maybe we make decisions without consulting people who are affected. Maybe we hold onto information that others need, or we prioritize our work in ways that create bottlenecks for someone else.
When we operate with an inward mindset, we're largely blind to these impacts. We're focused on our own deliverables, our own deadlines, our own priorities. The people around us become background—relevant only when they intersect with what we're trying to get done.
An outward mindset flips this. Instead of waiting for others to tell us what they need, we proactively consider their objectives and look for ways to help, including ways to stop making things difficult for them.
How to use the Meet to Give tool
Meet to Give has two phases: preparation (done on your own) and execution (done with the other person). Here's how to use it step by step:
Step 1: Identify three people whose work is affected by yours. These might be direct reports, peers, people on other teams you collaborate with, or even people you don't work with often but whose success depends in part on what you do.
Step 2: Write down their objectives. For each person, note what you think are their key workplace objectives. This alone is valuable—most of us haven't thought carefully about what success looks like for the people around us.
Step 3: Acknowledge ways you make things difficult. For each person, write down ways you have gotten in their way or created difficulty for them—any ways you have made it harder (or failed to make it easier) for them to achieve their objectives, as well as any mistakes or misunderstandings you need to take responsibility for.
Step 4: Identify changes you can make. For each person, write down one to three things you could do that would be helpful to them. Consider things you could do more of, less of, or differently; information or resources you could share; new actions you could take; or support you could give.
Step 5: Meet and offer. Schedule time to meet with each person. Share what you prepared in steps 1-4, then ask for their feedback. This isn't about presenting a finished plan—it's about opening a conversation where you're genuinely trying to understand how to be more helpful.
Step 6: Get feedback and agree on a plan. Listen to the person's response to what you've shared. They may correct your understanding of their objectives, identify different ways you've created difficulty, or suggest different kinds of help. Work together to agree on a way forward.
Help that's offered is more powerful than help that's requested
Meet to Give can be used as a regular practice to keep your team working with an outward mindset, or as a reset when things have gotten inward and disconnected. Either way, it transforms support from something reactive into something proactive—and that changes how people experience working together.
Download the tool above and try it with someone this week. You might be surprised by what you learn about their objectives, how you've been getting in their way, and how much a simple offer to help can shift a working relationship.
See it in Action
Frequently asked questions
Q: What if I'm wrong about their objectives or the ways I'm making things difficult?
That's actually part of the point. When you share what you think their objectives are and they correct you, you've just learned something valuable. When you name ways you think you've created difficulty and they say "actually, that's not the issue—but here's what is," you've opened a conversation you wouldn't have had otherwise. Being wrong in your preparation often leads to the most useful insights.
Q: Can I use Meet to Give with people outside my immediate team?
Absolutely—and it's often most powerful in those situations. Cross-functional relationships are where friction tends to build up unaddressed because there's no natural forum for these conversations. Using Meet to Give with someone in another department who depends on your work can transform a transactional relationship into a genuinely collaborative one.
Q: How often should teams use Meet to Give?
There's no single right cadence. Some teams use it quarterly as a way to reset and reconnect. Others use it situationally when they notice collaboration breaking down or when starting new projects with new stakeholders. The key is using it proactively rather than waiting until relationships have deteriorated.
Q: What's the difference between Meet to Give and Meet to Learn?
Meet to Learn is focused on understanding—you're gathering information about someone's objectives, challenges, and needs. Meet to Give takes this further by having you prepare specific offers of help based on what you already know or believe about the person. Both tools build outward mindset, but Meet to Give requires more upfront preparation and results in concrete commitments to action.
