You don’t have a behavior problem. You have a mindset problem.
If you’ve ever launched a new initiative only to see it stall, or watched teams nod in agreement during meetings but revert to silos afterward, you’ve seen the symptoms of self-deception.
It is the single most common and least understood barrier to organizational performance. And it is likely the reason your strategy isn't executing the way you planned.
Self-deception isn't just a philosophical concept. It is a tangible business problem that costs organizations billions in lost productivity, turnover, and stalled growth.
Self deception is simply the problem of not knowing I have a problem. A willful blindness to our own part in the problems we face. It's one of the primary sources of conflict in our personal lives and the underlying issue that is at the heart of most organizational problems as well. It is a problem we all have. It's like being stuck in a box. When we are self deceived, we no longer really see what's going on. We become blind to reality. When we're in this box, we're blind to the humanity of other people. We see them as objects rather than as people with their own needs, challenges, and objectives that are equally as important as our own. Some of us might think that we are skillful enough to behave in ways that mask how we see others. The truth is, no matter what we're doing on the outside, people primarily respond to how we're feeling about them on the inside. Even if I'm nice or polite to others, if I'm in the box toward them, if I am seeing them as an object rather than the full person they are, they can sense this. So what leads to self deception? How do we find ourselves in this box in the first place? Well, as human beings, we have an intuitive sense of what we should do for others. We sense what might be helpful to them. Very often, however, we betray that sense and fail to do the thing we sense we should do. We call this self betrayal. Simply put, self betrayal is acting contrary to what I feel I should do for another person. When we betray ourselves, we begin to see the world in a way that justifies our self betrayal. We start to create justifications for failing to see others as they are. As people, we exaggerate others' faults and flate our own virtues and blame others for making us feel and act the way we do. And all of this keeps us from seeing honestly our own role in creating the problems we complain about most. In this self justifying experience we call the box, our view of reality is distorted. We no longer see things as they really are. And when we aren't seen clearly, our solutions to problems tend to make matters worse. What's more, we invite others into the box, beginning a cycle of blame and conflict. So how do we get out of the box? We get out of the box by seeing people for who they really are. As people with needs, challenges, and objectives that are just as important as our own. We get out of the box as we cease resisting other people. With this focus on others, we no longer have the self focused need for justification that comes with being in the box. As you explore these ideas in leadership and self deception, we'd love to hear about their impact in your life, both at work and at home. Here's an invitation. As you go about your day and your week, pay attention to the people around you. Get curious about their needs, challenges, and objectives. Keep reminding yourself that everyone you encounter is a person and just see what happens.
What Is Self-Deception?
Simply put, self-deception is the problem of not knowing you have a problem.
It is a state of blindness to:
Your own contribution to the conflicts you face.
How your leadership style might be inviting the very resistance you’re trying to overcome.
The humanity and needs of the people around you.
When a leader is self-deceived, they operate from what we call an inward mindset. In this state, they are focused on their own objectives, challenges, and results—often at the expense of others.
To the self-deceived leader, other people aren't people. They become objects:
Vehicles to be used for the leader’s success.
Obstacles to be blamed for delays or failures.
Irrelevancies to be ignored.
This distortion of reality makes effective leadership impossible. Why? Because no matter what you say or do on the surface, people respond primarily to how you see them.
"The truth is, no matter what we're doing on the outside, people primarily respond to how we're feeling about them on the inside."
If you view your team as vehicles or obstacles, they will sense it—even if your words are polite. And they will respond with resistance, defensiveness, or disengagement.
How Self-Deception Happens (The Self-Betrayal Cycle)
Leaders don't wake up deciding to be self-deceived. It happens in small, subtle moments we call self-betrayal.
Self-betrayal creates a need for justification. Here is how the cycle works:
The Sense: You have a sense of something you should do for another person (e.g., apologize, share credit, listen to an idea, offer help).
The Betrayal: You act contrary to that sense. You don't apologize. You don't help.
The Justification: To feel okay about not doing what you knew was right, your brain invents a story.
You exaggerate the other person's faults ("They’re lazy anyway").
You inflate your own virtue ("I’m the only one pulling my weight").
You blame them for the friction ("If they were more competent, I wouldn't have to micromanage").
Once you are in this state—what we call being "in the box"—your view of reality is distorted. You are no longer solving the real problem; you are defending your own justification.
And crucially: You invite others into the box with you. By treating them as objects or obstacles, you give them every reason to resist you, creating a cycle of mutual blame and conflict.
The Way Out: From Inward to Outward
The solution isn't just better communication skills or a new performance management system. Those are behavioral fixes for a mindset problem.
To break the cycle of self-deception, you must shift to an outward mindset.
This means:
Seeing people as people: Recognizing that their needs, objectives, and challenges are as real and legitimate as your own.
Ceasing resistance: Dropping the need to be "right" or justified.
Getting curious: Asking real questions about what your team needs to succeed, rather than assuming you already know.
When leaders shift from inward to outward, the need for self-justification vanishes. The energy wasted on blame and self-protection is suddenly available for collaboration, innovation, and execution.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is self-deception the same as impostor syndrome?
A: No. Impostor syndrome is an internal feeling of inadequacy despite evidence of success. Self-deception is an external distortion where you fail to see your impact on others and blame them for issues you are helping to create.
Q: Can an entire organization be self-deceived?
A: Yes. We call this "organizational collusion." It happens when departments or teams collectively view each other as obstacles (e.g., Sales vs. Operations), leading to chronic silos and misalignment.
Q: How do I know if I am "in the box"?
A: A key indicator is blame. If you find yourself frequently blaming others, feeling like a victim of your team's incompetence, or feeling that you are the only one who cares about results, you are likely in the box.
Q: What is the first step to fixing this?
A: The first step is awareness. You can't fix a problem you don't see. We recommend starting with a Strategy Session to help identify where inward mindset patterns might be stalling your organization’s performance.
