You launch a new strategic initiative—a digital transformation, a restructure, or a new performance management system. The Executive Team is aligned. The slide deck is perfect.
But three months later, adoption is stalling.
You have a small group of "champions" who get it. You have a messy middle that is waiting to see if this will blow over. And then, you have The Detractors.
These are the people rolling their eyes in meetings. They are the ones finding every hole in the plan. They are the "we’ve always done it this way" crowd.
The standard playbook says you should manage this resistance by increasing communication, applying pressure, or eventually managing them out.
But here’s the deal: Resistance is rarely about the change itself. It is about how people experience the change.
If you treat detractors as obstacles to be overcome, you don’t just fail to win them over—you actually fuel their resistance.
The Hidden Dynamic: Why They Push Back
When we encounter resistance, our default reaction is an Inward Mindset. We see our objective (the change initiative) as the only thing that matters.
From that perspective, a detractor isn't a person with valid concerns; they are an obstacle.
We start to tell ourselves a story: They are stubborn. They don’t get the big picture. They are toxic.
And here is the trap: When we see them as stubborn obstacles, how do we treat them? We dismiss their concerns. We talk over them. We marginalize them.
And how do they respond to being dismissed and marginalized? They dig in. They push back harder.
We call this Collusion. It’s a cycle where your push creates their pull, and their pull justifies your push. You are actually provoking the very resistance you are complaining about.
A Story of "Impossible" Resistance
Let’s look at a real example of this dynamic.
Nelson was a new leader brought into a large, established organization. Judie was a long-tenured employee who had been there for 40 years.
From day one, it was war.
Judie saw Nelson as an inexperienced outsider who didn't respect the institution’s history. Nelson saw Judie as a "blocker"—someone stuck in the past who refused to get on board.
They avoided each other. They sat on opposite sides of the conference room. Judie would think, "He's just a flash in the pan. I'll outlast him." Nelson thought, "She is poison to the culture.".
In a traditional change management model, Nelson should have fired her. She was a clear detractor.
But Nelson tried something different. He realized that his own mindset—seeing Judie as an obstacle—was part of the problem. He changed his mindset toward her, without waiting for her to change toward him.
He invited Judie to coffee. Not to lecture her. Not to "get her on board." He met with her to learn.
He asked about her life. He learned about her family. He listened to her perspective on the organization's history. He started seeing her as a person, not a problem.
Over months of these conversations, the dynamic broke. Judie became his strongest ally. Years later, when a restructure required Judie to report directly to Nelson, she didn’t quit. She said, "I am 110% fine with working for Nelson".
He didn't force her compliance. He won her commitment.
The Most Important Move
If you are facing detractors in your organization, you have a choice. You can keep fighting them (and dealing with the friction, delays, and morale hits), or you can disarm the resistance.
The secret is this: You have to stop waiting for them to change.
As leaders, we often wait for the detractor to "get with the program" before we treat them with respect or include them in the process.
But the way out of the box is to treat them like an ally before they act like one.
Your Plan: 3 Steps to Disarm Resistance
Don't let detractors derail your strategy. Use this framework to turn the ship:
1. Check Your MindsetBefore you send that email or walk into that meeting, ask yourself: Am I seeing this person as a problem to be solved, or as a person with a perspective I need to understand? If you are blaming them, you are already in the box.
2. The "Meet to Learn" Schedule a time with your biggest detractor. Do not bring an agenda about your change initiative. Ask:
"What are the biggest challenges you are facing right now?"
"From your perspective, how is this new initiative making your job harder?"
"What am I missing?"
3. Adjust Your Effort You don't have to agree with everything they say. But you do need to show that their needs matter. When a detractor sees that you have adjusted your plan based on their input, they stop fighting against you and start fighting with you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Does this mean we just let detractors do whatever they want?
A: No. An outward mindset isn't "soft." It doesn't mean lowering standards. In fact, once you have established a human connection, you can hold people more accountable because they know you want them to succeed. If someone refuses to align after you’ve done the work to see and support them, you can help them move on—but you do it without the toxicity and blame.
Q: I don't have time to have coffee with every person resisting this change.
A: You don't have to. You start with the influencers in your organization. When you turn a vocal detractor into an ally, they bring the rest of the skeptics with them. Also, consider the time you are currently wasting on workarounds, complaints, and stalled projects. "Mindset work" looks slow, but it is the fastest way to results.
Q: What if they are actually just wrong/incompetent?
A: They might be. But as long as you treat them with disdain or frustration, you will never get their best work, and you won't be able to clearly assess their capability. When you clear the "fog" of your own blame, you can see clearly whether it's a skill gap, a fit issue, or a process problem.
.webp)
