Personal-Application & Group-Discussion Guide
Core Ideas
Theo is meeting with Tom and Ana to help them see a problem that they have but can’t see—the problem of self-deception. To illustrate this type of challenge, Theo shares an experience he had working on a deal in San Francisco as a young corporate attorney. Reflecting on his experience, Theo asks, “How could I be utterly convinced I was dedicated and self-sacrificing in San Francisco when everyone else on the project could see that I was distracted and disengaged? We sometimes cause or amplify our own challenges but seem to be completely unaware that we are doing so.”
Of course, self-deception is not just a lack of awareness that we are causing problems. If the issue were only a lack of awareness, becoming aware would be enough. But self-deception is also characterized by resistance to the possibility that we are causing these problems.
Group Processing
Identify experiences of self-deception by recognizing times when you believed you were doing your best given the circumstances but, upon more honest reflection, you were actually just finding excuses in your circumstances for not doing your best.
If someone had suggested at the time that you were not doing your best, how would you have responded, and why? What does that reveal about the nature of self-deception?
Core Ideas
Theo explains that the most important work of a leader is to see clearly and to help others see clearly. With this understanding, Tom and Ana surface the distorted ways their respective teams see the other team. He explains to them that, more than any of the unproductive behaviors they are engaging in, the bigger problem is “the way your teams are seeing each other, and the fact that each of them believes that their perception is the truth.” Why? Because the perception the teams have of each other shapes every interaction between them.
Seeing this dynamic between the two teams, think of groups you are aware of, or a part of, who are engaged in conflict.
Group Processing
How are the ways they are seeing each other leading to their unproductive or destructive behaviors?
How are the ways these groups see each other keeping them from discovering solutions?