Personal-Application & Group-Discussion Guide
This guide helps you process the story of Bryan Fulkerson's shift from coaching baseball through drills and corrections to leading young athletes through connection and curiosity. You'll explore how Arbinger principles like the Influence Pyramid apply beyond the workplace, and consider what they might mean for your own leadership and team culture.
"Had I known it was their first day of kindergarten, we would've done something fun for the kids. Not once did I see them as 5 year old people with their own challenges."
Bryan's early coaching misstep revealed how easy it is to focus on plans and overlook people. Real influence starts with mindset—seeing others as human beings with needs, challenges, and context.
Questions:
Where in your leadership do you risk prioritizing plans over people?
What cues could help you better see the "first day of kindergarten" moments your team or organization are facing?
How would your approach shift if you first asked, "What's going on for them?"
"If I want optimal influence, I have to start at the bottom of the pyramid."
Instead of correcting and commanding, Bryan focused on building relationships and listening. Even with five-year-olds, Arbinger's Influence Pyramid works: connection before correction.
Questions:
Where are you most tempted to “coach from the top” (teach/correct) without building a base?
What might building relationships look like with those you lead?
How could listening and learning reshape your influence in a current challenge you are facing?
"It would have been the easiest thing in the world for me to say, he’s not coming to practice—that makes my life a ton easier. But just getting to know him, what makes him tick, and setting him up for success—that’s what seeing kids looks like."
Bryan drafted a player labeled as having behavioral issues. By investing in relationship and trust through car rides, conversations, and leadership opportunities, the player transformed from a disruption into a team leader.
Questions:
Who in your organization might be labeled “difficult” or “a distraction”?
What could change if you got curious about their story instead of assigning them a label?
How could you create opportunities for that person to lead?
"It’s not about the correction, it’s about the connection."
When his son resisted going to camp, Bryan defaulted to correction. His wife, Maureen, instead listened and connected—transforming the moment and inspiring her son’s buy-in.
Questions:
Where do you tend to rely on authority instead of connection?
What is one relationship (work or personal) where shifting from correction to connection could change outcomes?
How could you practice listening before directing this week?
"What impresses you most about your son?"
At the first parent meeting, Bryan invited families to share what most impresses them about their sons—creating tears, pride, and immediate bonding. Baseball became a vehicle for connection, not just competition.
Questions:
How do you intentionally build relationships both at work and in your personal life?
What impact could building relationships have on culture and performance?
"I am not the coach. I am a coach. I don’t want to steal their struggle."
Bryan reframed his role—not as the sole teacher, but as a facilitator of bonding and discovery. Influence comes from letting others learn, not doing it for them.
Questions:
Where might you be “stealing the struggle” from those around you?
How could you create more space for people to practice, fail, and grow?
What would shift if you saw yourself not as the coach, but as a coach?
"Anytime I found myself in a difficult spot on the mound, the coach would just yell out, ‘I love you, Ferrell.’"
Stories from Jacob Ferrell highlight the lifelong impact of coaches who truly see their players. Connection—not strategy or control—is what stays with people decades later.
Questions:
Think of someone who influenced you long after the fact. What did they do that left such a mark?
How might you invest in a person today that could shape their life 20 years from now?
What simple action could you take this week to make someone feel seen?