You need to talk to a team member about their performance. You prepare. You sit them down. You say, "You've been disengaged lately."
Immediately, the wall goes up. They get defensive. They argue. The meeting goes off the rails.
Why? Because "disengaged" isn't a fact. It’s an interpretation. It’s a story you’ve told yourself to explain their behavior. To them, it feels like an attack.
Most conflict in organizations doesn't come from what actually happened. It comes from the meaning we attach to what happened.
When we operate with an inward mindset, we see others as objects—as problems, obstacles, or irrelevancies. When they make a mistake, we don't just see the error; we see a character flaw.
If you lead the conversation with your interpretation ("You don't care"), you aren't solving a business problem. You are starting a fight.
The Focus on Facts tool is a pre-meeting preparation guide. It forces you to surgically separate Reality (what a video camera would record) from Interpretation (the story you are telling yourself).
It is the fastest way to de-escalate a high-stakes conversation before it even begins.
How to use the tool
Do not skip this prep. Use the template before you walk into the room.
Write down exactly what the other person is doing that is causing the issue.
Now, be honest about the story you’re telling yourself. How do you see them when they do these things?
This step doesn't make you right; it makes you self-aware. It helps you realize, "Oh, I’m judging them right now."
Ask yourself: If I weren't in the box—if I weren't feeling defensive or superior—how might I see this differently?
When you finally talk to them, stick to Step 1.
When you focus on the facts, you remove the accusation. It invites them to look at the data with you, rather than defending themselves against you.
When leaders use Focus on Facts, resistance drops.
Q: What if they deny the facts?
A: This is why "the camera test" is so vital. It is very hard to deny specific, observable data (e.g., "The report was submitted at 5:00 PM on Tuesday"). If you stay vague ("You're always late"), they can and will deny it. Specificity creates accountability.
Q: Isn't this just "softening" the message?
A: No. It’s actually more direct. Telling someone they are "unprofessional" is vague feedback they can't act on. Telling someone "You arrived 15 minutes late to the client call" is a hard fact they must address. It’s not about being nice; it’s about being effective.
Q: Can I use this for email?
A: Yes. In fact, you should always use this before sending a "corrective" email. If you type out an email while you are "in the box" (angry, blaming), the recipient will feel the judgment even if you don't use "mean" words. Strip the interpretation out. Send the facts.