You've been successful, and developed a leadership style that works. You know how to get things done, how to command respect, how to drive results. Then you step into a new environment—a new organization, a new team, a new culture—and suddenly, everything falls flat.
What happened?
Chris McIntyre, now an Arbinger Facilitator, experienced this firsthand when he transitioned from being a junior leader in the Army to a junior leader in the Air Force. Same military. Same country. Same mission of service. Completely different cultures.
In the Army, Chris knew what success looked like: a sharp uniform, a clean shave, directness with his team, and promptness in executing what the boss commanded. He was the leader out front, the decision-maker, the one who told people what to do.
Then he brought that exact approach into the Air Force, and it failed.
Here's what Chris discovered: His new team could feel something was off. "Who is this guy?" they wondered. It wasn't that his tactics were wrong. It was that his approach communicated something he didn't intend.
When you lead with "I'm the decision-maker, I'm the one up front," people pick up on more than your words. They pick up on whether you see them or not. Whether you're there to command them—or to serve alongside them.
This is one of the trickiest things about leadership. You can do all the "right" behaviors and still create distance. You can check every box and still leave people feeling unseen.
Because people don't just respond to what you do. They respond to why you're doing it. They respond to your mindset—even if they don't have the language for it.
This failure forced Chris to take inventory. He started thinking about the leaders in his own life—the ones who brought out the best in him. What was it about them?
It wasn't their style. Some were direct. Some were more collaborative. Some were tough. Some were gentle. The style varied.
But there was one thing they all had in common: They saw him. They cared about him as a person, not just as someone executing tasks.
"Their style could be as direct as could be," Chris explains, "because I knew that they cared. I could feel their mindset even though I never really had that language."
That's the insight. Directness works when it comes from care. Toughness lands when people know you see them. The behaviors aren't the problem, it's what's behind them.
This is what it looks like to shift from an inward mindset to an outward one. When you're inward, leadership is about you: your authority, your decisions, your position out front. When you're outward, leadership is about them: their needs, their growth, their contribution to the mission.
The irony is that outward leaders often have more influence, not less. When people feel seen, they lean in. When they know you care, they'll follow you through just about anything—including tough feedback and demanding expectations.
You don't have to soften your style. You don't have to stop being direct. You just have to make sure that underneath the style, people can feel that you're for them.
Chris calls this one of the greatest leadership lessons he ever learned. And it's one of the fundamental pieces of really solid culture.
Culture isn't built on policies or procedures. It's built on whether people feel like they matter. Do they feel seen? Do they feel valued? Do they believe their leaders actually care about them?
Get that right, and you can be as direct as you need to be. Get that wrong, and no amount of tactical adjustments will fix it.
Because at the end of the day, people don't follow titles. They don't follow techniques. They follow leaders who see them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I know if my team feels seen by me?
A: Look at how they respond to you. Do they come to you with problems and ideas, or do they avoid you? Do they take initiative, or do they wait to be told? When you give tough feedback, do they receive it or get defensive? These are signals. If there's distance, it's worth asking whether they experience you as someone who cares about them—or just someone who needs things from them.
Q: Can I still be direct if I'm trying to be more outward?
A: Absolutely. Being outward doesn't mean being soft. Some of the most effective leaders are extremely direct—but their directness comes from a place of genuine investment in their people. When someone knows you care about them, they can receive almost anything from you. The issue isn't the style; it's the mindset underneath it.
Q: What if my leadership style worked before but isn't working now?
A: That's actually a good signal to pay attention to. It means the context has changed, and what worked before may not translate directly. Instead of doubling down on tactics, step back and ask: What do the people in this new environment need from me? How can I demonstrate that I see them and care about their success? Start there, and the right style will follow.