There's a pattern that plays out in organizations everywhere. A request comes in from another department, one you don't work with often, one that feels disconnected from your priorities. Your first instinct is to brush it off. Why are they bothering me? Don't they know I have real work to do?
So you get frustrated. You delay. You maybe complain to a colleague about this "obscure department" that doesn't understand how busy you are. And by the time you finally get around to handling the request, you've spent more energy being upset about it than the task actually required.
Here's the uncomfortable truth: The time we spend resenting a request is often longer than the time it takes to just handle it.
In any organization, you're going to work with people who are different from you. Different priorities, different communication styles, different ways of seeing the world. That's not a bug—it's a feature of how complex work gets done.
But when we operate with an inward mindset, those differences become sources of friction. We start seeing colleagues not as people with their own challenges and objectives, but as interruptions to our agenda. That "obscure department" isn't a group of people trying to do their jobs—they're just noise.
And when we see people that way, we treat them that way. We brush off their requests. We respond slowly, if at all. We make it clear—through our tone, our delays, our sighs—that they're a burden. Then we wonder why collaboration feels so hard.
One team member described the change this way: "Before, I would just brush it off and say this is not important. Why are you bothering me? Now I don't see it like this anymore. The time that I was previously using for getting upset about it is usually the time that it takes to get it done."
That's a profound realization. The frustration wasn't protecting his time—it was wasting it. Once he shifted how he saw those requests, the work itself became easier.
But the impact didn't stop there. When he started helping others more readily, something changed in how others treated him. "When I help others, they are more prepared to help me as well," he explained. "People started to look around them and to see if somebody needs help."
This is what happens when mindset shifts ripple through a team. One person starts seeing colleagues differently, and it creates space for others to do the same. The culture begins to change—not because of a mandate or a program, but because people are actually experiencing something different in how they're treated.
The team member put it simply: "The biggest impact that Arbinger has on us is that we are colleagues, not just coworkers."
There's a real distinction there. Coworkers share a workplace. Colleagues share a commitment. Coworkers tolerate each other because they have to. Colleagues invest in each other because they understand that everyone's success is connected.
And when that shift happens, the long-term effects are significant. People become more effective because they're not burning energy on resentment and turf wars. They become more responsible because they're actually invested in outcomes beyond their own task list. It's good for them, and it's good for the company.
The next time a request lands in your inbox from a department you don't usually work with, pay attention to your first reaction. If it's frustration or dismissal, that's worth noticing—not because you're a bad person, but because that reaction is costing you more than you realize.
The time you spend being annoyed is almost always longer than the time it takes to just help. And when you help readily, you're not just completing a task, you're building the kind of relationships that make future work easier for everyone, including you.
That's how culture gets preserved across teams, across departments, and even across continents. Not through policies, but through people who choose to see their colleagues as people worth helping.
Q: What if the requests really are unreasonable or outside my responsibility?
A: Sometimes they are, and it's appropriate to redirect or push back. But the question is whether you're evaluating the request fairly or dismissing it reflexively. When you're outward, you can still say no—but you do it after genuinely considering the other person's situation, and you do it in a way that's helpful rather than dismissive.
Q: How do I maintain this mindset when I'm genuinely overloaded?
A: Being outward doesn't mean saying yes to everything. It means seeing the person behind the request even when you can't fulfill it. You might say, "I can't get to this today, but here's when I can" or "I'm not the right person, but let me point you to someone who can help." That's still being helpful, and it takes less energy than stewing about the interruption.
Q: What if I help others but they don't reciprocate?
A: It happens, and it can be frustrating. But here's the thing, being outward isn't a transaction. You're not helping so that others will help you. You're helping because it's the right way to work together, and because it actually makes your own work life better regardless of what others do. Over time, most people do start to reciprocate. But even if they don't, you'll find that working this way reduces your own stress and makes you more effective.